This morning on the train the woman next to me was taking noisy, healthy slugs of her very large water bottle. The train carriage was crowded and it was really hot and muggy, so this was understandable. But it was really irritating; we were sitting right next to each other and when she took a swig I had a running commentary of the water’s passage out of the bottle, down her throat, and, dare I say, working its way slowly through to the other end.

I was trying to bring this to her attention with my best attempts of passive-aggressive non-verbal communication, which is a staple on all public transport (as is choosing to ignore it), but then I noticed what she was reading.

Small, handwritten yellow post-its, held close to her chest, covered in tight, angsty little writing.

“I accept and love myself just as I am.”

She had decorated the small, sweet nothings with coloured hearts and stars.

Whoa, thought I. Do the same rules apply in the vicious cramped arena of public transport when your competitor has low self-esteem? What if a more assertive attack on my part turned things messy? She was a small woman, but that was a very large water bottle.

“Everything I touch is a success.”

Protocols are no good when the assumptions upon which they are based no longer apply. So we sat there – she gulping, both of us reading.

“I move in winning circles.”

I think we know who took out that round.